Dark and Light
by LithiumKiss
Summary: Kisses, touches and torture are all part of finding happiness. SuFin. Yaoi.


**AN: Here in Australia, it is Christmas Eve and I am jumping out of my socks in excitement - I don't believe I'll be able to sleep! I had something planned to write for you all for Christmas, but this happened instead. It has some dark moments, but a happy ending awaits you. **

**Thank you all for a wonderful year on . Everyone who has supported my fics in the ways of reviews, fav's and alerts, I love you all and I hope you'll continue to support me next year! **

**Music that has inspired this: By The Way - Theory of a Dead Man ft. Chris Daughtry ; Cruel - Tori Amos ; All My Life - Linda Ronstadt & Aaron Neville and Hairdo - Little Birdy.**** Even though they don't have a lot of relation to this fic haha xD I do recommend Little Birdy highly.  
**

**Enjoy! Have a wonderful Christmas wherever you are in the world, and I wish you fun, safe and happy holidays and a prosperous New Year!**

**I do not own a thing. **

**...  
**

* * *

**Light  
**

_Ba-dump, ba-dump, ba-dump…_

Finland's heart beats wildly like a dazed, rabid moth searching for light as he peers up into Sweden's eyes. His lips quiver, his knuckles pale as he holds his hands together tighter and tighter. He can feel the burning from the tops of his ears as it spreads down until it meets with the heavy blush dusting his cheeks.

Sweden places his hands on Finland's, which seem to disappear, and the young blond wonders how he never noticed just how big those hands were before now. He feels Sweden squeeze gently in what he believes to be reassurance. His face is blank, as usual, but his eyes have a shine to them and he feels like he knows everything about the Swede because of it. He was so scary but now…now he is…he is just Sweden. His Su-san.

"Y' sur' 'bout th's?" Sweden asks softly, leaning down until his nose almost touches Finland's.

"P-Perfectly," Finland replies softer still, standing up slightly on his toes so their noses meet. Despite the cold that seeps in through the glass windows from outside, the touch makes Finland feel warm. "It's Christmas, after all."

Sweden takes his hands from the Finn's and places them on his shoulders, pushing down gently until his feet are flat on the ground once more. He leans in closer and Finland can't help but feel frightened. What if he did something wrong? He can't back out now, and he won't, so he simply watches as Sweden closes his eyes before he lays his lips on Finland's.

_Ba-dump, ba-dump, ba-dump…_

The touch is very soft, yet it seems to have stolen the air right from his lungs. For a few brief moments, all he can feel is their lips connected, unsure of where he ends and where the other begins, his nerves dancing pleasantly. The nervousness, the excitement, the beating of his heart, all of it intensifies when he feels Sweden open his mouth and press his tongue gently against his lower lip. Finland pulls back hastily, regretting the action immediately when Sweden straightens up again.

"Umm…" he swallows and fidgets with the tassels on the end of his scarf. He blushes furiously and wonders how to ask for another. It was his first kiss, but he feels…unfulfilled. He wants to chase after that small shock that snuck up on him when Sweden's tongue touched his lip. "I-Is…is there more?"

The corners of Sweden's lips tug upwards ever so subtly and he wraps his arms around Finland, making him feel as though they are the only two in the world, and nothing else mattered just as long as they were together like this.

Sweden leans in once more, and this time Finland stands on his toes once more to meet him half way, his lips parted slightly, awaiting, anticipating the kiss. Their tongues touch almost shyly, and another one of those surprising, pleasurable shocks dance through Finland's body. His hands find their way to rest on Sweden's chest, his lips move with Sweden's, his mouth opening wider, and soon their tongues are playing, stroking together, caressing.

_Ba-dump, ba-dump, ba-dump…_

The kiss is heated, wonderful, mind-blowing, not at all what Finland had expected when he thought of having somebody's tongue inside his mouth. They part, and he lets out a small noise, partly disappointed about the loss, partly grateful for the air he didn't know he was being deprived of.

"Thank you, Su-san. I-I really liked it...I think we should open the other presents now."

"That so?"

Finland blushes and puts his arms around Sweden's waist, not quite wanting to part from this moment, not quite wanting to meet his eyes just yet.

"Yes. I think you'll like what I got you this year."

"I alw'ys l'ke wh't m' wife g'ts me," Sweden says with the slightest chuckle to his voice.

"Su-san!"

* * *

**Dark  
**

Sweden's heart beats wildly like a stone axe against his ribcage, seeming to hack away relentlessly, unperturbed about the destruction, as he reaches out to touch Finland's silky blond hair. He is so bright, so happy and so loved by everybody, yet he chooses to stay by Sweden's side, despite the years of suffering, betrayal and blame. Sweden is not bright, happy or particularly loved by everybody, except for perhaps Hana'tamago, who probably loves him too much for his liking.

His fingers fall from the Finn's hair onto the pillow beneath, before caressing the pale skin of his exposed neck gently. Sweden's eyes remain above the sheets whilst his hand wanders below, tracing the scars that criss-cross over his shoulder blades and down to the small of his back. Sweden stops there when he hears Finland's soft breaths become altered.

"S'-san…" Finland mutters sleepily, yet he does not roll over. "I'm so tired," he says after passing moments of silence. "I came back after delivering the presents to the others not two hours ago; I need to rest."

Sweden frowns and moves closer, pulling Finland to him gently. He holds him until he is sure that it isn't a dream, and that his significant other won't disappear into the night. He runs his lips along the shell of Finland's ear, causing the other to groan softly in protest.

"Please…I'm so tired, Berwald. So tired…"

"I n'd y', Tino."

Sweden feels the other shiver against him before he turns in his arms so that their eyes meet.

"Need me?"

The night is dark; the moon barely peaks out from behind a snow cloud, yet there is enough of it's waxing glow to reveal the beautiful crimson blush on his cheeks and his bloodshot eyes.

"Mm."

The Swede doesn't hesitate and he claims Finland's soft lips in a kiss that he knows will bruise their lips. Finland moans and opens his mouth, yet it is half-hearted, but Sweden doesn't mind. He just needs him – he had been sick with worry, like always, dreading each hour that passed without Finland's return.

Sweden pulls him closer so their bodies are pressed against one another, seeming to melt into one being. They become tangled in the sheets, breathless after endless kisses and touches. Finland is beneath him when they part to catch their breaths, and the way he pants causes Sweden to be overcome by arousal and he can't help but rock his hips against Finland's, needing more of him, needing to be closer still, needing to be inside him.

"Su-san…you're smothering me…I can't…can't breathe…"

Sweden lifts himself up on his arms for a few moments and watches as Finland draws in deep, somewhat shaky breaths. His eyes open slightly into slits, and he can see that they are glistening. He can feel an ache in his chest, but he chooses to ignore it – he can feel Finland is aroused, too. He makes short work of both pairs of their pyjama bottoms and soon has his hand wrapped around their cocks, stroking them together.

Finland lets out a whimper, and his small hands push against Sweden's shoulders. "I-I'm going to…"

Sweden slows his movements and takes his hand away. He places his hands beneath Finland and lifts his hips up and guides himself to his entrance. He watches the panic take hold of the other and he tries his best to be soothing without making a sound. He caresses his hips gently as he pushes the head of his cock inside Finland, causing the other to cry out in pain.

"S-Stop! I'm not ready…I'm not…take it out, please!"

Sweden leans down and kisses Finland gently on the side of the mouth before thrusting himself all the way inside. Finland brings his hand to his mouth, hitting Sweden in the cheek as he does so, and bites down hard. The Swede rises again and remains still for a few moments, letting him adjust to the intrusion, getting used to how tight and uncomfortable it was. He hadn't thought to prepare them – he got uncharacteristically carried away by the heat of the moment and charged on ahead without consideration.

"'M s'ry," Sweden murmurs as he begins to move. Finland continues to bite down on his hand, yet small whimpers escape him, each one like an arrow piercing Sweden's heart.

Sometimes, Sweden is jealous of Finland. Jealous that he can be happy, beautiful, carefree and able to bare his scars as if they weren't there. Sweden carries his emotions in a box, away from his inner self, and keeps the box safely in his hands so that he can access the contents whenever he chooses. He is able to keep what lies inside away from all else, from the world.

This is what makes him selfish; this is what makes him cowardly.

This is what makes him a nation.

He just hopes that Finland is able to forgive him for this.

"'M s'ry," Sweden murmurs again as he thrusts his hips, burying himself inside the hot confines .

Finland takes his hand away and places it on Sweden's shoulder, his fingernails digging into his skin. Sweden pulls the other up so he is practically sitting, and thrusts upwards so he can finish and end Finland's pain. Finland cries out when Sweden releases inside of him and he slumps forward to rest his head against Sweden's shoulder once the ordeal is over. The larger male puts his hand on the back of his head in a comforting gesture, beginning to feel worse and worse about what he'd just done when Finland still doesn't calm down. He feels something rub against his stomach and he realises that Finland is still hard. He lays him back down and makes to take hold of him, to try and bring him some pleasure, but he pushes him away and staggers out of bed into the bathroom.

The word 'monster' circulates inside Sweden's head and he knows that he is no better than a lowly human. He can hear the water in the shower running, Finland's broken, pained sobs drowned by the spray hitting the tiles.

"'_M s'ry."_

_

* * *

_

**Fading Darkness  
**

"You look really strong wielding that axe, Su-san," Finland says in a low voice, approaching the Swede, wrapping his arms around his waist.

"That so?" Sweden mumbles as he brings the blade down to chop a log in half. The swing is forceful, and it causes the pieces to scatter as if they weighed nothing more than a feather each.

"Yeah, that is so. I'm going to go and visit Eduard on the Seventh. You should come along – but only if you promise not to try and make him and Raivis part of your country again."

Sweden continues to hack away in silence. Finland's smile fades and he sighs and removes himself from him.

"I've forgiven you, Berwald. Please, I can't take this silence anymore, it's unnerving and it…it hurts, it really does."

Finland's heart jumps in anxiety when Sweden drops the axe suddenly and turns to him with solemn eyes that are noticeably red along the rims.

"I've forgiven you," he repeats when it is obvious that the Swede wasn't intending to speak, and smiles to prove it. He loves this man with all his heart and he knows that he hadn't meant to take things so far. He knows that he could kick Sweden into the next century, and knows he can make him weak, so he has nothing to fear or to grudge against. They will get past last night – this he knows the most.

Sweden surprises him by lifting him up into his arms, one beneath the crook of his knee, the other around his back so the hand rests on his shoulder. Finland nestles into the hold and touches Sweden's face.

"Do you remember when I ran away with you from Denmark? I was scared, but you still kept me warm that night under the stars, and I found myself thinking it wouldn't be so bad. And it hasn't been. I think we'll be together for the next dozen centuries, no matter how difficult things become."

Finland stretches upwards so he can kiss Sweden's lips. "I'll always be your wife, Su-san," he says with a shy voice and an accompanying blush. "No matter what."

"That so?" Sweden seems subtly happy in his own collected way. "Thought y' h'ted bein' c'ld that?"

"Not when it's just the two of us, not when we're alone."

Sweden gives him a strange look and his blush deepens. "Take me inside? I'll make you some breakfast and then we can have some of England's Christmas cake."

The larger nation grimaces but nods nonetheless. Finland laughs and kisses him again .

"I love you, husband."

"L've y' too, m' wife."

* * *

**Merry Christmas all! **

**Lots of love and happy thoughts,**

**L.K.**


End file.
